I'm Going To Be A Mom!

Ok, I know I'm already a Mom. No, we are not adding another little Andrews to our family! I am now just going to be Mom and not teacher to my children. It still sounds so strange to me. I'm getting excited about the future.

It's amazing to me how God can change our perspective and hearts. As you know, our son has many challenges that he and our family faces each day. He has ADHD, OCD, and ODD. These three combined together makes for a very eventful home. The Lord has given us the strength to face each day and succeed the very best we can. It has been challenging to say the least. It's so tough as a parent when you do all you know to do and it still seems like it isn't enough. Thankfully, I know the ONE who is enough. He has always held me in the palm of His hand and recharged me. For this, I am so grateful.

As the mother of a son with these challenges, I feel like a huge weight is being lifted off of me. We knew that we had to try the school option. It's a wonderful feeling to know that I'm going to have help! I'm so excited about being able to be just my children's Mom now and not their teacher too. I haven't experienced that in a long time and it's so exciting to me. I don't know how long it will last. We have committed to the full school year and we will reassess after that. I just wanted to express my joy at this new phase in our life.

At first, I felt like a failure when we decided to enroll our children. I had a peace, but I still felt like I had failed. God has helped me to see that I have not failed.

I have been successful and He has changed the course that we are to trod. I am still a very strong advocate of homeschooling. However, that doesn't mean that everyone should homeschool. Every family dynamic is different. I see that as parents we can place guilt on other parents with our opinions. Homeschoolers may make non-homeschoolers feel guilty that they don't homeschool. Also, non-homeschoolers can make homeschoolers feel guilty about homeschooling. It's actually a vicious circle. Let's respect one another's decisions. It's amazing to me how many people will give their unsolicited opinions in life. I know I have been very guilty of this. I am learning to keep my thoughts and opinions to myself unless I'm asked about them. Just because I may not agree with a decision that someone makes, it doesn't mean their decision is wrong. I love the saying... "Opinions are like belly buttons. Everyone has one!"

So, let's band together as parents no matter what your schooling set up is. I need you to survive. Each of us have been enabled with our own experiences and challenges so that we may lend our love and support to others. I know I will be looking for some support from some of you as we take this new journey. The journey of me becoming "just a Mom!" I'm going to be busy making those after school snacks and loving every moment of it!

Big Changes Are Coming!

What a busy summer we have had! It's hard to believe that it is almost coming to a close and another school year is upon us. We are going to be experiencing a huge change in our family this year.

We have always reassessed our children's educational arrangement each summer. We would discuss the pros and cons and pray about whether we were to keep homeschooling or not. Prior to this year, the answer had always been "Yes". This year, it was different. As you know, our son has some challenges that we face as a family. It was a rough summer for us. After much prayer, we decided to enroll our children in school this year. It was a very hard decision for us to make. For the first time in their lives, I am giving up the control of my children's education. I know I can be part of it, but I will not be the one directing it. That's scary to me!

I was very emotional after our decision. I felt peace, but I also felt other emotions. I am so very thankful to say that the Lord has helped me to come to a place of pure peace and excitement! I'm seeing that so many positives may come out of this new journey we are about to take. I am still a huge advocate of homeschooling. However, I was never one that held the belief that homeschooling is the only right option. The education of our children is such a personal decision to be made within each home by the mother and father. No one else knows our children like we do. God has entrusted them to us to raise them to the very best of our ability.

I am asking each one of you that read this if you would take a few moments to pray for our family as we enter this new phase of our life. Our circumstances have changed, but I'm so thankful that my Creator NEVER changes. I have full confidence that He will continue to lead us and direct us as we look to Him.

Sweet Saturday

This is turning out to be a wonderful Saturday. I have been able to get out and get a haircut and to enjoy a pedicure. I am now sitting alone at the library. Days like this are few and far in between, yet so necessary. It is important to take time for ourselves as Moms and to recharge.

Someone told me when Victoria was a baby, "Taking time for yourself and getting away will make you a better Mom." I looked at her like she was crazy! My heart was hurting leaving her for a few minutes. I recall getting together with friends who had been parents longer than I. They would be SO excited that they had a night "off". They had a babysitter for the evening. My mind couldn't grasp that fact! I was close to tears not being with my girl. My how times have changed. If I cry when I leave my children with a babysitter, it's normally tears of joy! I get a few hours of adult time!!! I now understand why my friends were excited to have a night out! I love family time, but I also love and need "Lindsay" time.

Women can be great creatures of guilt. As much as I am enjoying today, there is a small part of me that feels guilty that I'm not at home. My amazing husband has assured me that he is fine with me not being home for a while and actually encouraged me to take time away! I am SO blessed! However, with that being said, a small amount of guilt abounds; this day is important for me. It can be exhausting raising and homeschooling children, especially one with ADHD. I think that we as women need to band together and try to rid ourselves of this silly guilt that can come upon us. We need to see the need for balance. I am Victoria and David's mother and that fact makes me blissfully happy. However, I am still an individual that God created. He made me with my own interests and passions. I am learning that forgetting who I am and the passions within me makes me a less happy Mom. I can't forget who I am. I am God's child. Yes, I'm trying to juggle being wife to my husband, mother to my children, teacher to my children, piano player for my church, song leader for Sunday-School children, friend to my friends, Team Mom for my daughter's baseball team, daughter to my parents, etc.... It is imperative that I do not forget who I am.

I encourage mothers to remember themselves. This is NOT selfish; search for a balance in your life. I have found that setting out time each week to go to the gym to exercise a few times has been so important. I'm getting much needed time alone and VERY much needed exercise. Let go of the guilt and rediscover your passions. God placed talents and gifts within you. Find out what those are and sail with them. You do NOT have to be superwoman. Superwoman was a created, FICTIONAL character. There is NO such person. We cannot be her! Free yourself from that level of achievement.

You know, the funny thing about us Moms is that we can't wait to get out for some time alone, but we also can't wait to get back to our family! I'm excited to go home and to see and hear what my children and husband have been doing for the past few hours. I'm looking forward to enjoying the rest of the afternoon and evening with them! Better yet...they are going to love having me with them, because I have recharged my batteries and I will be a whole lot more pleasant to be with!

ADHD

Teaching Victoria has been an amazing and rewarding experience. She learns like I do and excels in the same subjects that I did. I find it very easy to relate to her. The main difference between us is that she has been blessed with amazing Creativity when it comes to art and drawing. I love to watch her create and use her imagination.

My son is very creative and imaginative also. I'm sure this is supposed to be a good thing. It can be a very trying thing for his Momma. David's creativity is outside of the box. It is outside of my thinking and my plan. I have learned and continue to learn the art of letting him go and let him fly. That is NOT easy for this Mom. Remember... my plan? I almost laugh now. Any type of plan I had went out the window with the David's diagnosis of ADHD in May of 2008.

I always knew that there was something more with our son. Yes, he was "all boy", but my mother's intuition knew it was more than that. Denial is a way of dealing with hard issues. That is what I did for a long time. However, it came time for us to face the facts and seek help. It was the best thing we ever did for our family.

We had to make an extremely hard decision about medication. There is so many different opinions and beliefs when it comes to a matter such as this. We prayed and cried. We wanted to make the right decision for our family. We made the decision to use medication. This is sometimes a very sensitive topic among parents and I believe that we are definitely in the minority of homeschoolers who choose this option. It was one of the hardest things I ever have had to do as a mother. I remember crying before dispensing it. It was NOT what I wanted to do, nor was it part of my plan.

The difference it made in our home and in our son's life was UNBELIEVABLE! We had a peaceful home (well... as peaceful as a home with children can be!). For the first time in 5 years, I felt like I was able to let out the breath I had been holding in. My heart goes out to parents who deal with this very issue. I remember the days where it seemed I was correcting my son non-stop. I remember the nights I would stand by David's bed watching him sleep and crying. I would cry because I loved this little boy so much and I longed to make his life easier. I cried because my life was full of turmoil. If you are reading this and are facing what we have faced, please know you are NOT alone. I have found a great need for mothers to be able to talk openly about the challenges WE face as a parent of a child with ADHD. There is a lot of literature on how it affects our child for which I am so thankful. However, we as Mothers also need to know that what we are feeling and experiencing within is normal and part of the diagnosis of your child's ADHD.

Remember, God had told me when I knew I was expecting my son that everything would be ok. Unfortunately, ok does not mean easy. At first, I wondered why God chose me to be David's mother. I was the one who made the plan and stuck to it. Mothers of children with ADHD can't exactly follow a plan. We have to be ready for change. I guess we don't really have to be ready, but it's coming whether we are ready or not! I have learned about CHANGE! I have learned that change is so imperative for a rewarding life. I still ask why God chose me to be David's mother. But I ask this question in a much different way now. Why did God BLESS me so much? Why did he entrust His little masterpiece that he let me name David to me? I only pray that I can BE the Mom this little boy needs to be all he can be in life.

Who am I ? (2)

My plan had finally unfolded the way I would like. I was happily married and had my two children. It was about time my plan came to life. I was ready to be the perfect stay-at-home mother of my two perfect children.

It began in the hospital, the day our son was born. David would cry when his position was changed. There was something wrong, or so we thought. The nurse took him to the special care nursery. Other than crying to eat every two hours, he was fine as long as no one moved him. I sat by him, holding his hand, crying. What was wrong with my baby? We waited for the specialist to see him. The prognosis: He might just be in a little pain from being born. He was a totally healthy baby. Thank God!

Due to the power outage, we were able to leave the hospital and come home early. It was wonderful coming home with our family! The first month of life at home is a fuzzy memory. We somehow survived. David liked to eat every 2 hours and cried a lot in between feedings. Nothing made him happy. My saving grace... he suddenly began to sleep through the night at 4 weeks. Thank You Jesus! That full night of rest gave me strength to get through the days of non-stop crying. It seemed that our son had developed colic. I was mom to a two year old, a colicky newborn and had no family close by. I remember somedays my husband would come home from work and I would be standing at the door with my screaming son in my arms, my daughter with me, crying. He would relieve me and I would go to the basement and lay on the bed and sob. What happened to my plan!?! This is NOT how parenthood was supposed to be.

I was torn between comforting my son, spending time with my toddler, being a wife, keeping house and being active in church. There was not enough of me to go around. Therefore, the "I'm fine" phasade came to be. The permament smile that let others know I had it all under control. Ha! Control? What was that? I had lost control. I was falling into a deep dark hole that I couldn't get out of.

I was diagnosed with major depression and anxiety in the fall of 2004. What? How could I, a happily married wife and loving mother and a Chrisitan be depressed? Where was my faith in God? Christian people don't get depressed! I started on medicine and things began to turn around. I could now think clearer again. I could cope better. The decision to medicate or not is always a personal decision. I respect those that don't, and I ask for respect for those that do. Life began to look brighter again. I could do this after all. It got a whole lot easier. David was never easy to parent like his sister, but it was tolerable now. I just thought that it was the big difference between a boy and a girl. However, deep down my mother's intuition nagged at me that it was more.

We moved back to the U.S. in June of 2005, one day before our 10th wedding anniversary. It was a wonderful and joyous day. (We had been living just across the border for 6 1/2 yrs. due to immigration). Life was unfolding beautifully.

My daughter (who has always been a joy and so easy-going!) was now getting to school-age. Our plan all along had been to send her to a Chrisitan school. However, whenever we prayed about where the word "homeschooling" would come to me. I was NOT going to homeschool. That was crazy, insane and NOT me. Also, my husband was dead set AGAINST homeschooling. This was NOT our plan. We both agreed to pray for a few months about it and discuss again. I will never forget that discussion! We were in the vehicle on the way to church. I said, "Honey, we need to make a decision about school for our daughter." He agreed. I continued, "Whenever I pray about her schooling, I feel like the Lord is telling me that we are to homeschool." He looked at me and said, "You are totally right." What!?! God had dealt with his heart and showed him that we were to homeschool. It was NOT what we planned, but knew without a doubt that homeschooling was what our family was to do.