Proverbs 15:1 says "A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger". This Scriputre has been going through my mind continually the past few weeks. This scripture really makes me think about my responses to situations in life and especially as a mother.
Anyone with children can understand the frustrations that accompany some days. It seems the worst behaviour can come out when you are making dinner. Everyone is hungry and tired. Then, you add a child with ADHD to the mix and you may just have a volcano waiting to erupt (either in you, your child or both of you!!!). I am learning that giving a soft answer and sweet loving words can cause this volcano to become dormant. Actually, it can change the tone of the whole evening in our home.
I expect my children to respect me. However, I am to respect them as well. It is imperative that I don't let "grievous words" depart my lips to them. The definition of the word grievous according to www.dictionary.com is: "causing grief or great sorrow." My children should not be caused sorrow from my words, but by realizing they did wrong. It is my job to help them see how they can please the Lord. I don't want them to obey because my words hurt and wound them. God forbid!
Repeating oneself is often the normal course of each day as a parent of one with ADHD. So many times the words, "I have told you a million times....." have crossed my lips. There is no truer statement, however, those words have not been spoken softly. I do not think those words lend themselves to be kind. These are very derrogatory words. Yes, I'm the mother and the one with the authority, however ,that does NOT give me a license to express my expectations and frustrations unkindly to my children.
Just this past week, my son had tried me and pushed every button he could. Later in the day, I felt irritated, angry and I had a headache. These were ingredients for a blow up in our home. By the grace of God, I responded lovingly. I still had to administer consequences, but did so with a heart and tone of love. An amazing thing happened! My son changed his behavior and tone. Wow. God is so merciful.
Whispering has become my weapon to figh the hard parts of the day. When I feel like yelling, I will whisper. My children look at me strange and ask me why I'm whispering. I respond, "If I don't whisper, I will yell." They are seeing a good example of self-control. I wish I could report that I have ALWAYS responded correctly to my children, but that is not the reality. The amazing thing is that my children have seen me blow my top, but they have also seen me apologize for that behavior. I can't expect more out of my children then I expect out of myself. I am accountable for the words and the tone that comes out of my mouth. One day, I will have to answer for my actions and reactions. My prayer is that I will be found pleasing in my Savior's sight.