I'm Going To Be A Mom!

Ok, I know I'm already a Mom. No, we are not adding another little Andrews to our family! I am now just going to be Mom and not teacher to my children. It still sounds so strange to me. I'm getting excited about the future.

It's amazing to me how God can change our perspective and hearts. As you know, our son has many challenges that he and our family faces each day. He has ADHD, OCD, and ODD. These three combined together makes for a very eventful home. The Lord has given us the strength to face each day and succeed the very best we can. It has been challenging to say the least. It's so tough as a parent when you do all you know to do and it still seems like it isn't enough. Thankfully, I know the ONE who is enough. He has always held me in the palm of His hand and recharged me. For this, I am so grateful.

As the mother of a son with these challenges, I feel like a huge weight is being lifted off of me. We knew that we had to try the school option. It's a wonderful feeling to know that I'm going to have help! I'm so excited about being able to be just my children's Mom now and not their teacher too. I haven't experienced that in a long time and it's so exciting to me. I don't know how long it will last. We have committed to the full school year and we will reassess after that. I just wanted to express my joy at this new phase in our life.

At first, I felt like a failure when we decided to enroll our children. I had a peace, but I still felt like I had failed. God has helped me to see that I have not failed.

I have been successful and He has changed the course that we are to trod. I am still a very strong advocate of homeschooling. However, that doesn't mean that everyone should homeschool. Every family dynamic is different. I see that as parents we can place guilt on other parents with our opinions. Homeschoolers may make non-homeschoolers feel guilty that they don't homeschool. Also, non-homeschoolers can make homeschoolers feel guilty about homeschooling. It's actually a vicious circle. Let's respect one another's decisions. It's amazing to me how many people will give their unsolicited opinions in life. I know I have been very guilty of this. I am learning to keep my thoughts and opinions to myself unless I'm asked about them. Just because I may not agree with a decision that someone makes, it doesn't mean their decision is wrong. I love the saying... "Opinions are like belly buttons. Everyone has one!"

So, let's band together as parents no matter what your schooling set up is. I need you to survive. Each of us have been enabled with our own experiences and challenges so that we may lend our love and support to others. I know I will be looking for some support from some of you as we take this new journey. The journey of me becoming "just a Mom!" I'm going to be busy making those after school snacks and loving every moment of it!

A Soft Answer Turneth Away Wrath

Proverbs 15:1 says "A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger". This Scriputre has been going through my mind continually the past few weeks. This scripture really makes me think about my responses to situations in life and especially as a mother.

Anyone with children can understand the frustrations that accompany some days. It seems the worst behaviour can come out when you are making dinner. Everyone is hungry and tired. Then, you add a child with ADHD to the mix and you may just have a volcano waiting to erupt (either in you, your child or both of you!!!). I am learning that giving a soft answer and sweet loving words can cause this volcano to become dormant. Actually, it can change the tone of the whole evening in our home.

I expect my children to respect me. However, I am to respect them as well. It is imperative that I don't let "grievous words" depart my lips to them. The definition of the word grievous according to www.dictionary.com is: "causing grief or great sorrow." My children should not be caused sorrow from my words, but by realizing they did wrong. It is my job to help them see how they can please the Lord. I don't want them to obey because my words hurt and wound them. God forbid!

Repeating oneself is often the normal course of each day as a parent of one with ADHD. So many times the words, "I have told you a million times....." have crossed my lips. There is no truer statement, however, those words have not been spoken softly. I do not think those words lend themselves to be kind. These are very derrogatory words. Yes, I'm the mother and the one with the authority, however ,that does NOT give me a license to express my expectations and frustrations unkindly to my children.

Just this past week, my son had tried me and pushed every button he could. Later in the day, I felt irritated, angry and I had a headache. These were ingredients for a blow up in our home. By the grace of God, I responded lovingly. I still had to administer consequences, but did so with a heart and tone of love. An amazing thing happened! My son changed his behavior and tone. Wow. God is so merciful.

Whispering has become my weapon to figh the hard parts of the day. When I feel like yelling, I will whisper. My children look at me strange and ask me why I'm whispering. I respond, "If I don't whisper, I will yell." They are seeing a good example of self-control. I wish I could report that I have ALWAYS responded correctly to my children, but that is not the reality. The amazing thing is that my children have seen me blow my top, but they have also seen me apologize for that behavior. I can't expect more out of my children then I expect out of myself. I am accountable for the words and the tone that comes out of my mouth. One day, I will have to answer for my actions and reactions. My prayer is that I will be found pleasing in my Savior's sight.

Summer

Greetings friends. It has been a while since I have blogged. We are in the midst of SUMMER! Summer has presented us with it's own new circumstances. As I have previously said in other blog posts, structure can be crucial for one with ADHD/OCD.

Our schedule has changed. We finished school the Friday before Memorial Day. The three of us were very happy to be finished for summer. My concerns of how this change would affect my son were definitely warranted. It has been a bit of a tough time. However, I have learned so much. It's amazing how hard times can give us an abundance of understanding. I have had to work at finding a "new normal" to help my son adjust to his new schedule. There's been some extra hard days/weeks latey, but God has helped me through them.

Although we have had our adjustments, summer can be a wonderful time for one with ADHD. The good weather lends itself to a lot of ACTIVE outdoor play. The key is to provide and keep interesting those outdoor activities. We purchased a pool two weeks ago. It has been one of the best purchases we have ever made!!! My thinking is that if we provide our children with these activities, as they grow older, they will be at HOME enjoying them. I will always know what they are doing and who they are associating with. I do not mean this to be a judgmental statement, so please don't take it to be so. It is just our (my husband and I) preference for our family.

I have also at the encouragement of my husband and others carved out time for me each week. That time comes in the form of working out at the gym and taking time after that work out to read. It has helped in so many ways! I am improving my health by exercising and strengthening my mind by reading. My aunt always tells me... "Take time for yourself, you will be a better Mom." She is so right! Last week was an especially rough week for my son. I went to the gym and I worked out a lot of the frustration I felt on the elliptical machine. Exercise releases those "feel good" endorphines through my body. I believe the same goes for children and especially those with ADHD. Active play helps to relieve their little bodies of the overabundance of energy the possess.

I encourage you to shut OFF the tv and get your little ones moving. For that fact, you can move with them. It is equally beneficial. Some of the greatest times I've had with my two children is having a "game" of basketball in the driveway. Not only are they learning to be active, but they are learning to cheer one another on and feel the happiness of succeeding.

I have more to say, but it will have to wait as we need to get ready to head out to the gym. Get out and get moving!

It's Raining, It's Pouring, My Little Man Is Definitely Not Snoring

The first thing I heard when I awoke this morning was the sound of rain. I sighed. A rain day can be exhausting. The gloomy day itself can make one feel tired and maybe out of sorts. I knew the day ahead would hold challenges as the rain took away the option of playing outside for my children. I then knew that I had a decision to make. I could go along with the type of day outside and be gloomy, or I could choose to make the best of this rainy day. I took a deep breath and chose the latter.

Then, my son woke up. When David wakes up, his feet hit the floor and his footsteps make the announcement, "Here I am world!" This is a big contrast to my daughter, Victoria. She has never been a morning person. She begrudgingly wakes up, limps out of bed and plops herself wherever I or her Dad happen to be at that time. She likes cuddling and greeting the day at her speed. (I love this time with my girl).

This morning was no different. I heard David's feet hit the floor, he flung his door open and jumped in my bed. The first words out of his mouth were "this is my energy Day Mom! Do you know what that means?" I fearfully replied "No?" He said, "This is the day that I have EXTRA energy!!!" All I could say was "Wow." How could it be that a rain day and his Extra Energy day occurred on the same day. My first thought... "I'm doomed!"

I began to think about the decision I had made a short time before this. I chose to make this a good day. I had decided to greet the day with a good attitude. Really? Could this still work?

I had already decided to wait and do school in the afternoon today. My children were up later than normal. This is where I'm extra thankful for the flexibility of homeschooling. I went to the gym to work out and they got to play in the Child Care Area. At one point in my motherhood journey, I would have thought that I was being selfish to take this time for me. I now see it quite different. This workout helps me so much. It allows me to stay healthy, focused and gets those "feel good" endorphins flowing through my body. Post workout, I feel like I can conquer more!

It is now in the afternoon and we are about to head to our school room to finish our school for the day. If we finish in enough time, we may be able to play a game together or snuggle and watch a movie. This day is turning out wonderfully. Not only am I surviving, I'm embracing and enjoying.

Thank you Lord for allowing me to see that I am the one that makes the choice on how I will greet each day. Thank you for helping me to choose a good attitude. Thank you for helping me to set the proper tone in my home today. I am nothing without you. Oh and thank you for this beautiful rainy day. I am looking forward to some good quality time with my sweet children. Amen.

ADHD Monday

Mondays. Need I say more? Mondays tend to be a big tougher than other days. We are getting back into routine after our weekend break. A break in routine lends itself to a day or two of extra patience needed. We typically have a later start on Mondays. After trying different ways, I found it to be the most successful. It is also a day we play "catch-up" from the weekend. It is usually a longer school day for us. I think I would be right if I said Monday is probably most people's least liked day of the week. This is proving to be true for us today.

We have taken the week off from school. I am busy doing spring cleaning. The children are helping also. David stuck with us for a good while and did his chores and a few extra. As I was cleaning my furniture, it dawned on me that it was a little too quiet. I called out "David!" No response. I called again. No response. Suddenly, my little man arrives in the sun room dripping wet. He looked at me soaked to the bone with those cute puppy-dog eyes. "Ok, Mom. I won't lie." (Ummm, thanks son. That's a good way to start). "I climbed the fence so I could go look at the fish in Mrs. Flo's yard. I wasn't even close to the edge, but I fell in her pond!" It was all I could do to not laugh hysterically. I had to turn around and busy myself at the counter so David would not know that I was highly amused. Now the hard part came, I still had to administer a consequence to his inappropriate action. This is a time I find it hard to be consistent. I called his Daddy who helped me to decide how to handle it. I almost laugh thinking of the thought process that may have gotten him into that pond.

Now that I type this out, I realize that maybe our day isn't so rough after all. I now have a very clean son (who showered after his pond experience), I'm laughing still thinking about what happened and I'm getting a clean house. You can never know what each day will bring you. Then, when you add ADHD into the mix, you REALLY never know! I think I will go and hug each of my children a little tighter. They really do make Monday's worth it all.

Sweet Saturday

This is turning out to be a wonderful Saturday. I have been able to get out and get a haircut and to enjoy a pedicure. I am now sitting alone at the library. Days like this are few and far in between, yet so necessary. It is important to take time for ourselves as Moms and to recharge.

Someone told me when Victoria was a baby, "Taking time for yourself and getting away will make you a better Mom." I looked at her like she was crazy! My heart was hurting leaving her for a few minutes. I recall getting together with friends who had been parents longer than I. They would be SO excited that they had a night "off". They had a babysitter for the evening. My mind couldn't grasp that fact! I was close to tears not being with my girl. My how times have changed. If I cry when I leave my children with a babysitter, it's normally tears of joy! I get a few hours of adult time!!! I now understand why my friends were excited to have a night out! I love family time, but I also love and need "Lindsay" time.

Women can be great creatures of guilt. As much as I am enjoying today, there is a small part of me that feels guilty that I'm not at home. My amazing husband has assured me that he is fine with me not being home for a while and actually encouraged me to take time away! I am SO blessed! However, with that being said, a small amount of guilt abounds; this day is important for me. It can be exhausting raising and homeschooling children, especially one with ADHD. I think that we as women need to band together and try to rid ourselves of this silly guilt that can come upon us. We need to see the need for balance. I am Victoria and David's mother and that fact makes me blissfully happy. However, I am still an individual that God created. He made me with my own interests and passions. I am learning that forgetting who I am and the passions within me makes me a less happy Mom. I can't forget who I am. I am God's child. Yes, I'm trying to juggle being wife to my husband, mother to my children, teacher to my children, piano player for my church, song leader for Sunday-School children, friend to my friends, Team Mom for my daughter's baseball team, daughter to my parents, etc.... It is imperative that I do not forget who I am.

I encourage mothers to remember themselves. This is NOT selfish; search for a balance in your life. I have found that setting out time each week to go to the gym to exercise a few times has been so important. I'm getting much needed time alone and VERY much needed exercise. Let go of the guilt and rediscover your passions. God placed talents and gifts within you. Find out what those are and sail with them. You do NOT have to be superwoman. Superwoman was a created, FICTIONAL character. There is NO such person. We cannot be her! Free yourself from that level of achievement.

You know, the funny thing about us Moms is that we can't wait to get out for some time alone, but we also can't wait to get back to our family! I'm excited to go home and to see and hear what my children and husband have been doing for the past few hours. I'm looking forward to enjoying the rest of the afternoon and evening with them! Better yet...they are going to love having me with them, because I have recharged my batteries and I will be a whole lot more pleasant to be with!

Contentment

I had an overwhelming feeling of contentment wash over me Saturday evening. I was playing UNO Attack with my husband and children. We had enjoyed a nice dinner together. Everyone was happy and there was peace in our home. It was blissful. How I wish this was the case each and every day.

Since then, my mind has begun to ponder the words content and contentment. Paul writes in Philippians about contentment. He states that he had learned to be content in whatever state he was in (paraphrased). This is something that God has dealt with my heart on over the past 12 years. When we moved from Canada to the U.S. in April of 1997, I had a hard time adjusting. Everything was different. I was far from family, I was in a new church, I was in a new house, etc.... Even activities such as grocery shopping was very different. In my time of struggle, this scripture that I quoted above became my motto... "I have learned in whatsoever STATE I am therewith to be content." (Philippians 4:11). I took this Scripture very literal. I told myself that I was in the STATE of Michigan and that I needed to learn to be content. A great transformation began to happen in my life. When I "let go and let God", I became content. I would now have a very hard time leaving Michigan. I have not learned to only be content here, but to LOVE it here.

I relate this feeling of contentment to being the mother of a child with ADHD. It can be real hard to be content when you face the daily challenges that are packaged with ADHD. I know the days where you feel like walking out the front door and never coming back. This is a feeling I never understood until I became the mother of one with ADHD. This past while, God has been dealing with my heart once again. He is the Master Heart Surgeon. He is speaking to my heart to learn to be content in this state I am currently in. Again, I'm finding that I'm not only learning to be content, but I'm learning to be thankful for it. When I learn to be content, my eyes are opened to all the blessings I have.

It's imperative that I remember that things do not stay the same forever. Life changes. My mission is to learn to be content. Jesus knows exactly where I am and the challenges I face each day. He is to be my source of contentment. I am blessed among women.

Timing Is Everything

Wow! I did not know that the words I wrote yesterday were the very words I would need today. We are not having a good day today. My son is challenging me extra this morning. I sincerely think that he would be ready to argue that the sun is green today. I began to get uptight, frustrated and exasperated with him. Then yesterday's words began to ring in my mind..."whisper..." I chose to whisper. What a difference. It is actually empowering to know that "I" am the one controlling how I choose to respond. My world is in no way perfect, but I'm so blessed that I have our perfect Savior to hold my hand and whisper, "Child, you can do this."

God's timing has always amazed me in my life. It can be so hard when in our current circumstances to understand why God allows things to happen. You know what though? His timing is ALWAYS perfect! I look back over my life and see that when I had to wait for things that I thought I should have had immediately, that's God's timing was perfect. Hindsight certainly is 20/20.

I have always liked to be on time. If I'm not early, I'm late. However, when I had children this belief was greatly challenged for me. Many times, the unexpected would happen. Other times, I just hadn't planned ahead of time properly. If I am running late, it creates a great amount of stress for me and then for my children. Again, my attitude sets the tone for our home. There are certain things that I must be on time for, but I have learned that other things can be relaxed more. It can be a monumental chore to get a child with ADHD to get his/her shoes on and out the door. My mind thinks, "let's just put the shoes on and let's go!" His mind thinks, "Wow, these shoes a cool blue color. The sky is blue too. I wonder how high I can jump into the sky? Maybe if I climb the tree and jump, I can get father up." You get the picture. This leads me to looking around for my son to find him in the tree ready to jump! How exasperating that can be!!! I am learning to walk my son through putting on his shoes. Giving a child with ADHD too many steps or too many commands is setting them up for failure. It is a good idea to give him one action to do. I will then peek to see how that action is going. I will redirect if needed. Then, the next action to be taken can be directed. I have learned that it's not David's disobedience that led him to climb the tree, but his creativeness.

How many of us have stories of how God provided something just at the perfect moment? Last year, I was having a specially trying day with my son. I prayed and asked the Lord if He would give me something special to let me know HE knew and was aware. About an hour later, the mail arrived. It came about four hours earlier than it normally does. I thought it strange. I retrieved the mail and found amongst it a card addressed to me. I opened it up and the very front of the card said, "He Has You In The Palm Of His Hand." WOW! The Lord knew where I was and what I was experiencing! Even more amazing to me was that He knew when I would need that and had dealt with someones heart to mail this card to me. I felt so loved and humbled. I will always appreciate my dear sister in the Lord for following the Lord's leading. God's timing is perfect!

So... when you ask yourself, "Will this last forever?" Remember, that it will not. (Please feel free to remind ME of that on any given day too!). The Lord will equip you to complete each day as you raise the precious treasure you have been entrusted with. Hold on and enjoy the ride. It will be over before you know it.

Reactions

ADHD is a very rough road to travel. There are a lot of hard days for child and parent alike. I have come to the conclusion that parenting my son will never be easy. There has been three days up to this point that were easy days. There has been a lot of tolerable days and intolerable days. To be honest, there's days I want to throw in the towel and allow someone else the chance to try. The Scriptures say that the Lord's mercies are new every morning. How amazing is that? He equips me each and every day to handle that day's challenges. Our God knows exactly where I am on each given day and gives me the strength to conquer it. I'm so blessed.

It's so important to remember that my son's brain works very differently than mine. This is a blessing and a curse to him. The curse is that he doesn't always fit in what society considers "normal" thinking and problem solving. The blessing is also that he doesn't always fit in what society considers "normal" thinking and problem solving. David will have challenges as he thinks outside of the box and that is sometimes hard for his peers and elders to see. However, David will be able to do so many great things as he is able to come at a problem and life at a different angle. So many successful people in history showed so many signs of ADHD. They were able to think outside of the box. The "H" in ADHD definitely would have given them the energy to make their idea come to life.

It can be so hard to react positivelty when your patience has been tried over and over in any given day. It is very important for me to set boundaries and stick to them. This is the case for any child, but even more important for one with ADHD. They need to know what to expect and what is required of them for their success. It can be so frustrating repeating yourself for the gazillionth time. At first, I thought that David was just not listening and disobeying. I realize now that many times he didn't hear me, or he heard me, but it didn't process properly in his brain. Eye contact is very helpful when giving direction. Giving too many steps to a child with ADHD is overwhelming for them. Many times I will have my son repeat what I have instructed him to do. He is not disobeying me and he is not dumb, he just processes information differently than I do. As the parent, I have to be the one that make changes in the way I parent. That has been the hard part for me, but oh so worth it. There's times when I feel very frustrated that I will whisper. My children look at me strange and ask, "Mom, why are you whispering?" I reply "I am whispering rather than yelling." It takes more concentration for me to whisper and helps to dispel my present distress. We all have given our children "time-outs". The purpose of time-out is to remove your child from the situation and give them time to regroup. Guess what? Sometimes I give myself a time-out. If we are having an extra trying day, I will give my children something to keep them busy and tell them that Mom is feeling frustrated and needs to take a few minutes to calm down. This is NOT a sign of weekness to them, but rather shows them a good example for problem solving. I will take those few minutes in my room alone. I will regroup and then return to what we were doing. My attitude sets the tone for our home. Do I ever lose my temper? Unfortunately, yes. It's those times that I need to seek forgiveness from my Savior and my children. Again, I'm so thankful His mercies are new everymorning.

ADHD

Teaching Victoria has been an amazing and rewarding experience. She learns like I do and excels in the same subjects that I did. I find it very easy to relate to her. The main difference between us is that she has been blessed with amazing Creativity when it comes to art and drawing. I love to watch her create and use her imagination.

My son is very creative and imaginative also. I'm sure this is supposed to be a good thing. It can be a very trying thing for his Momma. David's creativity is outside of the box. It is outside of my thinking and my plan. I have learned and continue to learn the art of letting him go and let him fly. That is NOT easy for this Mom. Remember... my plan? I almost laugh now. Any type of plan I had went out the window with the David's diagnosis of ADHD in May of 2008.

I always knew that there was something more with our son. Yes, he was "all boy", but my mother's intuition knew it was more than that. Denial is a way of dealing with hard issues. That is what I did for a long time. However, it came time for us to face the facts and seek help. It was the best thing we ever did for our family.

We had to make an extremely hard decision about medication. There is so many different opinions and beliefs when it comes to a matter such as this. We prayed and cried. We wanted to make the right decision for our family. We made the decision to use medication. This is sometimes a very sensitive topic among parents and I believe that we are definitely in the minority of homeschoolers who choose this option. It was one of the hardest things I ever have had to do as a mother. I remember crying before dispensing it. It was NOT what I wanted to do, nor was it part of my plan.

The difference it made in our home and in our son's life was UNBELIEVABLE! We had a peaceful home (well... as peaceful as a home with children can be!). For the first time in 5 years, I felt like I was able to let out the breath I had been holding in. My heart goes out to parents who deal with this very issue. I remember the days where it seemed I was correcting my son non-stop. I remember the nights I would stand by David's bed watching him sleep and crying. I would cry because I loved this little boy so much and I longed to make his life easier. I cried because my life was full of turmoil. If you are reading this and are facing what we have faced, please know you are NOT alone. I have found a great need for mothers to be able to talk openly about the challenges WE face as a parent of a child with ADHD. There is a lot of literature on how it affects our child for which I am so thankful. However, we as Mothers also need to know that what we are feeling and experiencing within is normal and part of the diagnosis of your child's ADHD.

Remember, God had told me when I knew I was expecting my son that everything would be ok. Unfortunately, ok does not mean easy. At first, I wondered why God chose me to be David's mother. I was the one who made the plan and stuck to it. Mothers of children with ADHD can't exactly follow a plan. We have to be ready for change. I guess we don't really have to be ready, but it's coming whether we are ready or not! I have learned about CHANGE! I have learned that change is so imperative for a rewarding life. I still ask why God chose me to be David's mother. But I ask this question in a much different way now. Why did God BLESS me so much? Why did he entrust His little masterpiece that he let me name David to me? I only pray that I can BE the Mom this little boy needs to be all he can be in life.

The Beginning Of Blogging

I am doing something that I said I would NEVER do. "I will never blog!" were the words spoken by my very own lips. They were typed by the very same fingers typing now. Alas, here I am... blogging.

Why am I so resistant to change? Why does the word change ring discomfort within me? For many women "The Change" is not something looked forward to. When I was younger, I would almost laugh at those who would speak of change being a hard hill for them to challenge. I now sit at the same side and ponder what changes I must make to climb my mountain of life. I am not talking about "The Change", I am talking about the concept of "change".

I'm finding more and more that change is not something to be feared, but embraced. Just think of all I will never experience if I resist change. My goal this year is to answer the door when change knocks. I will not only answer, but I will welcome change into the chambers of my heart and home.

It has been suggested to me by many to begin to walk the road of blogging. I have been blessed with a wonderful husband, daughter and son. All are precious to me. I have learned so much from being my husband's wife and my children's mother. My son has ADHD. This reason alone brings change into my life on a daily basis. However... that is a blog for a different day...